I'm incredibly amazed with the oscar-caliber acting on infomercials. Like those black & white before scenes, such as the woman who finds it extremely difficult to transport her cooked pasta from the stove to the sink without dropping it all over the kitchen floor. Or that woman who can't seem to handle a box of saran wrap without the tube flying out, then proceeds to curse at it. I assume she has the same sort of issues with the t.p. in the bathroom. But seriously, wtf. You know that you've been in this situation, sitting on the couch 
at 2:28am on a Sunday morning, corn nuts all over yourself, and probably urine, because you're drunk. And then you think, "you know what...yeah, I am tired of that happening". Here's an idea, pull yourself together man, shut the t.v. off, walk past your Tony Little Gazelle (with the clothes piled on top of it), go outside, find a total stranger, and ask them to punch you in the face. Why? Because you deserve it. And what about this other guy on t.v., frantically searching for his car keys in the living room, tossing couch cushions and papers around, frightening his children. Hate to tell you this, but if you're exhibiting this kind of erratic behavior in the morning, you need to loosen up your schedule, or your wife is going to cut you.
Do you own a snuggie? If so, I hate you. Did you get one for your dog? If the answer is yes, you're an asshole.
How about the jackass wearing the suit with the question marks all over it, who chooses to friggin' SCREAM at me (which I really don't appreciate, btw) about all of these government loans that essentially apply to no one. First of all, why are you yelling? We can hear you. And where are you getting these g/d suits from? I think his roommate may be the Riddler. And he's gonna pissed as hell when he finds out you've been dipping in to his wardrobe. Riddler - get yourself a trunk with a combination lock.
And since you brought up the whole topic of shouting - why are these infomercial hosts always doing that? Stop it. I'm 10 feet from the t.v. and can hear you just fine, I don't know why you think that if you raise your voice, I'll feel a bigger need to buy your product. Trust me, I won't. I don't even want your shit to begin with, I'm only watching this because I'm laying on the couch and the remote isn't in reach, trying to wait this out until regular programming returns.
As for that Tony Little Gazelle you're currently using as a hamper, what made you purchase that product? Because you were so impressed with a man shorter than a 2nd grader sporting a hat with the ponytail sticking out the back side? If that wasn't a big enough distraction, he sometimes wears a silver bracelet and sunglasses. Seriously, go to the gym. Nobody looks like this. Tony Little needs to shut up.
Ok I need to go, Chopped is on. Apparently there are some mystery items in a basket that are in need of preperation.
at 2:28am on a Sunday morning, corn nuts all over yourself, and probably urine, because you're drunk. And then you think, "you know what...yeah, I am tired of that happening". Here's an idea, pull yourself together man, shut the t.v. off, walk past your Tony Little Gazelle (with the clothes piled on top of it), go outside, find a total stranger, and ask them to punch you in the face. Why? Because you deserve it. And what about this other guy on t.v., frantically searching for his car keys in the living room, tossing couch cushions and papers around, frightening his children. Hate to tell you this, but if you're exhibiting this kind of erratic behavior in the morning, you need to loosen up your schedule, or your wife is going to cut you.Do you own a snuggie? If so, I hate you. Did you get one for your dog? If the answer is yes, you're an asshole.
How about the jackass wearing the suit with the question marks all over it, who chooses to friggin' SCREAM at me (which I really don't appreciate, btw) about all of these government loans that essentially apply to no one. First of all, why are you yelling? We can hear you. And where are you getting these g/d suits from? I think his roommate may be the Riddler. And he's gonna pissed as hell when he finds out you've been dipping in to his wardrobe. Riddler - get yourself a trunk with a combination lock.
And since you brought up the whole topic of shouting - why are these infomercial hosts always doing that? Stop it. I'm 10 feet from the t.v. and can hear you just fine, I don't know why you think that if you raise your voice, I'll feel a bigger need to buy your product. Trust me, I won't. I don't even want your shit to begin with, I'm only watching this because I'm laying on the couch and the remote isn't in reach, trying to wait this out until regular programming returns.
As for that Tony Little Gazelle you're currently using as a hamper, what made you purchase that product? Because you were so impressed with a man shorter than a 2nd grader sporting a hat with the ponytail sticking out the back side? If that wasn't a big enough distraction, he sometimes wears a silver bracelet and sunglasses. Seriously, go to the gym. Nobody looks like this. Tony Little needs to shut up.
Ok I need to go, Chopped is on. Apparently there are some mystery items in a basket that are in need of preperation.
i always wondered why the infomercials are in black and white like cutting a tomato with a normal knife (that can't cut through a steel toe boot) is so difficult. what happened to your twitter, man?
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