The Bank keeps my money safe

Why are people still writing checks? I think there are two exceptions to this: rent/mortgage & girl scout cookies. So we're in line this past Sunday @ the Wal-Mart (my first mistake) shopping for school supplies, and the dude in front of us decides to write a check. Of course as soon as he whips out the tattered checkbook from his back pocket I let out a big sigh & say to myself, "are you kidding me?". Be honest, are you this person? If you are, I can no longer speak to you. It's like c'mon guy, get a check card. With the exception of my Grandma, who's like a hundred, everybody's got one. Banks give these to you for free, btw. Why aren't you taking advantage of this feature? Maybe you get some personal enjoyment from selecting that special box of checks, like the clowns with balloons ones? I still have the same box of checks I ordered three addresses ago, they have Tom & Jerry on them, 4 different chase scenes. Can you guess how many times someone has said to me, "hey is that Tom & Jerry?". Umm you know it is...why you askin'? To embarrass me? I'm not embarrassed of that, it's not like they came by accident, I did that on purpose. The way I see it, if I gotta write a check, I'm going all in, none of this standard check shit. AND it took this guy like 12 minutes to write the damn thing out. There's only 5 fields: the date, the who, the numeric dollar amount in the box, the handwritten dollar amount & signature. If you're looking to be ambitious, a 6th would be the memo field...which is pointless to begin with, because if you feel the need to have to remind yourself later what you just bought, there's a problem. You do realize that you can bang out 3 of these 5 while your shit is being rung up, but instead choose to stand there & stare at the cashier's screen (like you're gonna catch her in some kind of scam). And if it's taking you more than 18 seconds to write out a check, there's yet another problem on top of your other ones that needs to be addressed. Does this person know what happens the second they pull out that checkbook? We're all waiting behind you, we want to go & get back to our lives, you're preventing this from taking place. For this brief period of time, the check writer is in complete control...holding our lives in the balance of his stupid, check writing ways. I mean, at any point he could screw it up & have to start over, not to mention we're aware there's another step to this process, the cashier asking for his license. This is around the time when you can see that single bead of sweat slowly dripping down the side of his face, he knows we're all pissed. This is probably the EXACT same person who gets in their car, heads towards the tollway & still tosses change in the basket. For god's sake man, GET AN IPASS! We all have one, we're all coasting through the gate. I know you've seen us do this, yet you refuse to get one. Why? You're being charged double for tolls, is that not an added incentive right there? Is it fun to scramble for change? No, it's not. Stop it. But I know that once you finally break down & get this complicated little device, you're gonna be that person who comes to a complete stop, or close to a complete stop, in the IPASS lane! Why are people doing this? The whole point is to"not stop". I came close to ending up in the backseat of someone's Volvo 3 weeks ago because I didn't realize this asshat was going to hit the brakes. Whoever you were, I hate you. So save your checks for your rent, get yourself an IPASS, and go cash in your change at the Coinstar. Because if these things don't stop happening, I'm going to lose it like Steven Slater did with Jet Blue.

Caffeine makes my face twitch

Trying to think of a good Montage for tonight, leaning towards Cartoon themes. Apparently I'm on my own when it comes to my thoughts on Scooby Doo. These thoughts are: dumbest cartoon, ever. I don't even get the point of this show. Plus I'm extremely annoyed by Fred, who has way too many fashion "donts" going on for just one person. Orange scarf, really? You're not part of some reality show panel on the Bravo network, take that thing off. And what's the deal with him & Daphne, are they dating? Friends w/benefits, or am I way off the mark here?! I mean Daphne is cute & all, I dig the red hair, but she needs to get a commitment from this guy...which may be difficult, because I'm not entirely convinced he likes girls. And how come Fred's white sweater always looks like it just got out of the wash. Aren't they usually creepin' around a really old building, or abandoned warehouse? How is he avoiding all this dirt & grime? Impossible, unless he's got a tide to go pen stuffed somewhere in his really tight sky blue bell bottoms. Velma, on the geek meter she's like a 9, with 8 being the highest. And again with the orange, which leads me to believe she secretly has it bad for Fred. Or maybe Velma is that girl who is all geeked out, but then ends up taking off her glasses & baggy clothes, then turns out to be hot, and no one ever knew. We know Shaggy wouldn't have noticed...he never knew what the hell was going on. Where'd they find this dirtbag anyway? If I had to guess, I'd say a dumpster. We know two things for certain about Shaggy, he smokes way too much reefer, and is always too corked out of his mind to contribute anything relevant to the investigation. What you probably don't know may surprise you, like his real name: Norville Rogers. Who does this to their child? If it's you, then take a good look at this kid, because he's probably pawning your jewelry & personal belongings while you're away at work. His bff is Scooby, poor creature does nothing but get a contact buzz all day...which probably explains why he sounds the way he does. He's eating way too many dog biscuits, btw. Go to the Petsmart & check out a box of Milkbones, he's exceeding the recommended serving size for his weight & breed. And did they ever get paid for solving these "cases"? How are they earning money? The Mystery Machine had to get back & forth somehow, who's paying for gas? I'm sure after a few pulls off the bong, Shaggy is off camera siphoning it from a random car or truck.

Compare this show to Tom and Jerry, no doubt about which one prevails. Although here's something I never quite understood: of all the years watching that show (and I still do, like I don't know what the outcome is gonna be), why did they decide to bury the hatchet & agree to become friends ? Who staged this intervention? Spike? And somewhere in this little agreement, Jerry starts wearing a red bow tie. I don't like it. I mean, why not wear a matching cumberbun too, Jer? Dude you're a mouse, not a banquet server, take the friggin' tie off. And as dumb as Tom was, he was persistent. Which is what you normally want in a house cat, right? Actually I have no idea, not a fan of them (except for Tom). What do they do? Besides nothing. They can't fetch or roll over (on cue), they can't hand you a paw unless you hang some string in front of their face, not to mention you can't take them out for walks. Oh, and if you're doing this, taking your cat (or anything that is not a dog) for a walk, you need to stop, because you look ridiculous & people are talking about you behind your back. And I don't like the fact that cats are so sneaky. One minute they're there, the next they're not. Where'd you go, and why are you being so secret about it? I don't like being creeped up on, stop it.

Talk to you soon,
Mason

The keyboard I'm using is a Belkin

In case anyone ever asks, the answer is yes...I have a DVD buying problem. I've come to terms with it, it's ok. Speaking of which, I was at the Best Buy earlier and would like to know the following: can anyone tell me what's going on with their receipts? Why are they so long? It's like the Declaration of Independence. The dude behind the counter had to change paper rolls because it was so long. I could've wrapped that thing around my neck and wore it as a scarf. Seriously, why do they feel the need to give me all this paper? I don't want it, nor do I need it.

I'm just sayin'..

-MM

Water is two parts Hydrogen, one part Oxygen

Caught an episode of 'Saved by the Bell' this morning. Apparently in this wacky scenario, the gang got together & formed a band. They cleverly coined themselves, "Zack Attack". And wouldn't you know - each one of them had some type of musical talent. You have lead singer Zack Morris, who's also the lead guitarist, of course; A.C. Slater as the drummer (he also sang); Jessie Spano & Kelly Kapowski are your backup singers; Lisa Turtle played the bass; while everyone's favorite dork, Screech Powers, is on the keyboards. This has got to be one of the most ridiculous things I've ever seen. Thankfully, they were able to give us such hits as "Love Me Now", "Make my Day" and my personal favorite..."Friends Forever". In one scene, a bunch of girls bum rush the stage & rip off Screech's shirt, exposing his bare chest, the crowd goes wild. He has a body type comparable to my 3 and a half year old Nephew, what's the attraction here? And I'm a little confused, between Zack always plotting some type of "caper", Slater lifting free weights throughout the day, Jesse pursuing some type of noble cause, Kelly working up a new cheer, Lisa running up her parents credit cards at the Mall, and Screech stalking Lisa, when did these fools find time to get together & practice? I don't recall seeing that. Even more incredible is that Zack Attack got booked to play the school dance! And as I scan the crowd, I see like 6 couples dancing. Question: I had almost 600 classmates in my graduating class at Prospect High School, where are the rest of these kids? And how is Mr. Belding still running this school? That's kinda like asking, why is Michael Scott still the Manager at Dunder Mifflin (or is it Sabre). Seriously, someone needs to get in touch with the Superintendent, because I want to know why Belding still has a job at Bayside. And while you're at it, please get me the number to Screech's parents, I need to figure out why they continue to let him out of the house looking the way he does..

Ttyl.
Mason

The plantain is part of the banana family

So you're probably like, why does this idiot have a picture of Super Grover on his blog. Hmm, well simply put...love Super Grover. That's about all the explanation I can provide.

I still watch Sesame Street when I can too. If you've ever really sat down & watched the bits with all the characters, it's lol hilarious! Being me, and being curious by nature, I wonder how some of these guys came to find a home on Sesame Street. Such as...

Kermit the Frog - the only real normal one of the bunch (besides the fact that he's sexually involved with a pig). Or did he & Miss Piggy break up?! Idk. I don't remember hearing about anything on TMZ. I think if I were Kermit, one could only take so much of "hey who's with the pig?".

Oscar the Grouch - you bitter, angry b@stard. Hey guy, how about getting a job? Then you could move out of the trash can & in to a studio apartment. Someone needs to get this guy on the show "Intervention", cause he's in need of some serious help. Then again, he's been living in his own urine & feces for 40 years, so why stop now.

Big Bird - what a freak of nature. I'd be scared to death if I saw that thing coming towards me down the street. When I ride my bike at the park, I don't even make eye contact with the geese because I'm afraid they'll bite my face off.

The Count - ok, what's with the accent? And are we supposed to be scared? He doesn't change in to a bat or sleep in a coffin, and he goes out during the day...I mean c'mon. Plus I know Twilight, and he doesn't sparkle. I'm convinced he's just a regular guy with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder due to the fact he feels the need to count everything. Off camera I'm sure he's always washing his hands. "Eh eh eh.."

Bert & Ernie - two adult men sharing a one bedroom apartment, with their beds (please note that one has an "E", the other has a "B", is this even necessary?) in the same room. Besides the obvious question, I have another...how the hell do they afford this place? Do they work? Ernie spends all his time in the tub, and who's gonna hire a guy with a thick, black unibrow? Staffing agencies most likely turn Bert away.

Cookie Monster - probably has the highest cholesterol count of anyone on the street. Alhough this guy tries to abstain from eating cookies all day, he has no will power. I'm thinking he may have a tapeworm, or type I diabetes. Someone should introduce him to a box of Snackwells (nom, nom, nom).

Mr. Snuffleupagus - finally came out of hiding in the mid 80's. It used to be that only Big Bird could see him, then he'd bolt anytime someone else would come around. What was he so self conscious about? Maybe cause his only friend was a freakish looking yellow bird that could walk and talk. Apparently that wasn't socially acceptable until 1985.

Guy Smiley - America's forgotten game show host! Long before Pat Sajak & Chuck Woolery became somewhat popular, Guy had it all. Unfortunately, he disappeared a few years back. He probably borrowed money from the wrong person. Did you notice he was always over excited & shouted alot. One word, methamphetamines.

As stated in the very beginning...I left my all time favorite for last:

Grover (or Super Grover) - besides Darth Vader, he is by far the coolest guy ever, but not the sharpest knife in the drawer. He ties a bright red cape around his neck (and wrists), and wears a Roman helmet that is like 6 sizes too big for his head, then crashes into everything. In reality, this guy has no business being a superhero, but I like the fact that he does it anyway. And in most cases, the people in distress solve their dilemma when he's not looking. Although that's great for them, I'm sure he's pissed that they wasted his time.

Keep at it Super Grover, you're my hero. Yeah that's right, I said it...

xoxo,
Mike Mason